Hi guys, here is a post by Adediwura. You can read more on the blog at
I heard it from the waiting area outside his ward. My head was in a banging mess and my eyes clouded with tears when the doctor walked up to me and told me he didn’t make it. I let out a wail that I didn’t know I had. Pain was an understatement for what I felt at that moment. It was pure anguish. Everyone seemed to be speaking and holding me down as I thrashed and wailed but I couldn’t hear a word of what they said. And suddenly, I couldn’t see anything either…
“She’s coming to” I heard someone say. I recognized the voice. It was my mother’s.
Where am I coming to? Where did I go before? And then I remembered. I started to scream his name but what came out was merely a whisper. It sounded much louder in my head.
“Mummy where’s Adejare?” I asked my mother earnestly
“Funke he’s gone”
The tears came in torrents as my mother confirmed his loss again. He couldn’t be gone. He was fine yesterday. He talked to me. He asked me when he was going home. The doctor told me everything was okay yesterday morning. The surgery went well. He was supposed to go home with me on Saturday. How could he be gone?
I got up from the hospital bed I was on and tried to run out of the room when I felt pain in my left hand. I had an infusion that had yanked off. What in the world is an infusion doing in my hand?
I looked up and checked the time, it was 9:47PM. The doctor came to me around 4 that day. I was out for a while. My mother came after me and pulled me back to the bed.
“Mummy leave me alone! I want to go and see him. He’ll be hungry now. The doctor said he can take solids today”
Tears came to my mother’s eyes.
“Funke, he can’t eat again,he’s gone”
I could feel myself zoning in and out between reality and imagination. I crashed to the floor and started to weep again. I kept thrashing around and telling my mother to tell the doctor to bring back Adejare.
Even the heavens felt my pain and began to release its tears, heavily. The rain beat at the windows of the room I was in and thunder clapped. It was like we were trying to outdo each other, as the rain fell harder, I cried harder, when thunder clapped, I yelled and wailed.
The doctor came in to check on me and I held on to his lab coat and threatened to bite off his head if he didn’t bring back my Adejare. My mother pulled me off and the doctor tried to comfort me. Their words got blurred and the last thing I heard was a thud. I was out again.
I opened my eyes and saw the familiar ceiling. I was in my room. It was still raining heavily outside. I checked the time and saw that it 7:12AM already. It had been raining for hours and I was out for the same too. I fully understood what was going on now. I tried to cry but the tears refused to come. So I just sat in silence, staring at nothing. Images of him filled my mind and I began to tremble and rock back and forth. I heard a door open somewhere in the distance and heard someone call my name. I looked in the direction and saw my husband walk in. I threw myself at him and started to cry. He was crying too. He told me he got on the first flight back when my mother called him. I just kept crying and saying “he’s gone”. My husband held me for what seemed like a long time. Then he gently placed me on the bed and held my hands as he sat by my side. I looked around the room and saw that his pictures were gone too.
I’m never going to see my son again. The plans we had for his 10th birthday, the trips we planned to take, gifts I promised to give him if he did well in his exams….I kept rocking back and forth as I thought about the things I’d never be able to do for Adejare.
Then I looked outside and saw it was still quite dark. I checked the time again- 9:00AM. The rain had begun to die down, but the sun refused to rise.